Don't feel bad for Frank...
Just look how badly THIS woman is being Lamb-pooned!
The sort of secret blog of Beans, a.k.a. Jules, a.k.a. "Legs for Miles" a.k.a. "Rackie the Boob Queen." Fine, ok, not the last two. Starting July 2006, sometimes "Mike," aka "fagadoccio," is a co-poster on the blog. The co-poster child, really.
Phew! what a weekend, huh? The Digest and little ol' Jules make it into a gazillion papers. The best part? My first hate mail!!! Actually, out of hundreds of emails, I only got 2 mean emails, but here's the best one.
Will someone tell me why this was so nasty? It was conceptually so perfect!
I recognized that the acrid fart-waft had only become worse, but like a WASP pretending an awkward moment isn't akward, I hummed happily and popped my stinky crap into tupperware for tomorrow's lunch.
As the clock struck noon the next day, I stretched, pulled away from my computer and whipped out my lunch. "I'm so industrious and thrifty! Healthy fish! Bag lunch!" were my thoughts as I tucked a napkin into my collar and rolled up the sleeves of my mannish officewear.
I opened the tupperware and something that I can only describe as a cousin of gasoline with some definite nail polish remover and possibly burning trash somewhere back in its lineage. It stung my eyes, even behind my enormous red-framed 1989 government-employee glasses.
WHY? Fresh fish, fresh spinach, fresh garlic. Fresh...well the bacon was old, but does bacon rot? isn't bacon a preservative? WAS IT ROTTEN BACON? I called Matty, my boyfriend, who is a cook.
"Babe, you know that bacon in the fridge?" I asked.
"Yeah, I just finished it."
"Well it was rotten"
"Bacon doesn't rot."
"It made my fish taste bad. I really think it was rotten."
"Babe, it's just really, really smoked."
I hung up.
Has anyone ever had experience with bacon that is sooooooo smoked that it tastes like sphincter dipped in gasoline? Or does bacon rot? Or am I just the world's officially WORST cook and it's a known fact among the informed that bacon and trout interact like bleach and ammonia to form a deadly gas? I'm confused.
A geoduck, as I recently learned, is a delicious crazy sea clam. But you're gonna wanna check out this amazing link to a Google Image Search Results page for "GEODUCK". It is literally BONKERS.