Beans, Beans, the Magical Fruit

The sort of secret blog of Beans, a.k.a. Jules, a.k.a. "Legs for Miles" a.k.a. "Rackie the Boob Queen." Fine, ok, not the last two. Starting July 2006, sometimes "Mike," aka "fagadoccio," is a co-poster on the blog. The co-poster child, really.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Burgess Meredith and Homemade Pasta

I came home after one of the worst afternoons of my life and all I wanted was comfort food: a heaping bowl of pasta. I love the Italian restaurant on the bottom floor of my building, but the fun of it is the waiters that know you, the chalkboard specials and the $17 bottle of wine. Takeout is just overpriced Barilla in a lukewarm red sauce.

So I decided to make my own pasta. I found a recipe on Epicurious-- just 2 eggs, a cup white flour and a quarter cup of wheat flower, blended, kneaded, left to sit, and then rolled thin.

On my walk home earlier, I had decided that I needed to decompress, so I stopped by Walgreens to see if they had any movies, which they did. About 500 obscure kung fu titles, total anachronisms like "The Three Ninjas" (early nineties kids-grownup-ass flick) and blaxploitation favorites. Amazingly, between the crap, I found a double-feature: "Grumpy Old Men" and "Grumpier Old Men" on one DVD.

I don't have a pasta machine, but with a can of carnation evaporated milk, I rolled out my dough. "This is going to be a disaster," I thought, as I shot the can off the counter for the 5th time, my pasta looking like the gingerbread man's air mattress.

Somehow I pounded the dough out, with the full force of my body weight and nine or ten different implements-- forks and spoons, a pickle jar.

And "Grumpy Old Men" and the sequel both totally killed me, mainly the work of Burgess Meredith, who plays Jack Lemmon's crazy old 95-year old, chain-smoking, lecherous dad. They play outtakes during the credits, and it's worth buying the movie for the outtakes alone-- Meredith riffing all the filthiest lines is amazing, e.g.:

Lady: You've been to Hawaii? Which Island?
Meredith: Youwannalickapeepee.

And my pasta? Somehow, awesome. Although my wrists hurt.

Anyway, my own jagged idiot pasta and the best on-screen pervert of all time: I think I turned this crappy day around.


At 5:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have been a long-time reader of your bruni digest, and have recently discovered this blog (Alinea and the two scotts is one of my favourites). I think you are one of the most entertaining writers on the internet. Thanks for the laughs.


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