Noony Woman Awards

I was in Dominick's the other day-- you know, the big, cheap grocery store where you have a zero percent chance of finding kefta but Cap'n Crunch is $2.99 for 3 boxes roped together with film strip from the newest Pixar infant acid trip-- and I did a doubletake when passing this book, sitting on a shelf next to puppy stickers and greeting cards:



I emailed my friend Lang immediately. "The crimson velour shirt!" I pointed out. "The HUGE smile! The 75-lb basket of fruit atop her Eastern-European Female Member of Parliament hair!" Books that are simultaneously about COOKING, LIVING, and LOVING belong in any noony library, to say nothing of the woman's name: Crescent Dragonwagon. She's awesome. Go read her web page.

"Welcome to your future, Langbein," Lang wrote back. My point exactly. A woman comfortable with her extreme nooniness. Thumbs up. Let's go buy Nestle's Symphony bars and write some prose poetry outside in celebration.

But Lang continued. "This is my future," she wrote and linked to this video of model/actress Brenda Dickson giving some barbituates-addled fashion and beauty advice from her $2,200 Hollywood home:



So far we have a handful of amazing ladies here: Crescent Dragonwagon (enough said), my mind-reading bestie Lang, this frosted tart of a beauty queen; time to rent Prince of Tides and have a noony lady love-in.

But WAIT. THEN, I clicked on a sidebar YouTube link to a PARODY of Brenda Dickson, and I found my TRUE hero. Lady, whoever you are that narrated this parody, my Hanes Her Way cotton support bra salutes you.



This might be the best thing I've ever seen on YouTube. Do you need to watch it again? I do.

This concludes a very special apex in my life as a noonypants-in-training.