Beans, Beans, the Magical Fruit

The sort of secret blog of Beans, a.k.a. Jules, a.k.a. "Legs for Miles" a.k.a. "Rackie the Boob Queen." Fine, ok, not the last two. Starting July 2006, sometimes "Mike," aka "fagadoccio," is a co-poster on the blog. The co-poster child, really.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Noony Woman Awards

I was in Dominick's the other day-- you know, the big, cheap grocery store where you have a zero percent chance of finding kefta but Cap'n Crunch is $2.99 for 3 boxes roped together with film strip from the newest Pixar infant acid trip-- and I did a doubletake when passing this book, sitting on a shelf next to puppy stickers and greeting cards:

I emailed my friend Lang immediately. "The crimson velour shirt!" I pointed out. "The HUGE smile! The 75-lb basket of fruit atop her Eastern-European Female Member of Parliament hair!" Books that are simultaneously about COOKING, LIVING, and LOVING belong in any noony library, to say nothing of the woman's name: Crescent Dragonwagon. She's awesome. Go read her web page.

"Welcome to your future, Langbein," Lang wrote back. My point exactly. A woman comfortable with her extreme nooniness. Thumbs up. Let's go buy Nestle's Symphony bars and write some prose poetry outside in celebration.

But Lang continued. "This is my future," she wrote and linked to this video of model/actress Brenda Dickson giving some barbituates-addled fashion and beauty advice from her $2,200 Hollywood home:

So far we have a handful of amazing ladies here: Crescent Dragonwagon (enough said), my mind-reading bestie Lang, this frosted tart of a beauty queen; time to rent Prince of Tides and have a noony lady love-in.

But WAIT. THEN, I clicked on a sidebar YouTube link to a PARODY of Brenda Dickson, and I found my TRUE hero. Lady, whoever you are that narrated this parody, my Hanes Her Way cotton support bra salutes you.

This might be the best thing I've ever seen on YouTube. Do you need to watch it again? I do.

This concludes a very special apex in my life as a noonypants-in-training.


At 9:07 AM, Anonymous C Dragonwagon said...

I am delighted to have made the cut, Jules! Yes, this is the one and only not really THAT awesome C. Dragonwagon. Hey, if you want a copy of my latest, THE CORNBREAD GOSPELS, for even less than you paid at Dominick's (our equivalent in VT is known to us as the what-fell-off-the-back-of-the-truck-last-week store) email me: crescent AT dragonwagon DOT com with your snailmail address and I'll have the publisher send you a review copy; since the name BEANS is in your blog name and what goes better with cornbread than beans, I think we can pull this off.

Thanks again. (I have a Google Alerts that pops up whenever my name does --- that is how I found myself in your world today, and glad of it).

Noonily (and what's that mean, exactly, anyway? Strut stuff / shaske groove thing no earlier than noon?),


At 2:44 PM, Blogger Julia said...

What an honor! I had a hunch you'd find me, Ms. Dragonwagon. PS, your recipes are GREAT-- clearly time-tested and beloved.

Noony can't really be defined. It just has to be felt. It's an adjective that Lang and I invented. When you're being noony, you just know it.


Post a Comment

<< Home