Forwith Melady, 'til a Bad Hair Day!

YIKES!!! I found the worst, nooniest noon fest EVER. (I have no idea how we overlooked this before, Lang.)

Introducing WUTHERING HEIGHTS. Some facts:

- Starring Ralph Feinnes and Juliette Binoche, 1992 (pre-English Patient), as two DEPRESSING ASSHOLES who can't requite their fucking love.

- Juliette Binoche, who is 800% French, plays a born-and-raised Brit, even though she speaks English like there's a Swiffer in her mouth.

- EVERYONE has terrible hair days, every day for 3 generations.

You can sort of get a glimpse here. Ralph Feinnes' banged mullet is soaked in motor oil, and stiff. It sort of looks like someone taped a smoked flounder to his head. It's actually worth queuing the film on your Netflix right after "Ernest Takes a Dump" just to see his nasty hair.

OK, bye, I have to go put on my stovepipe hat and contest a mysterious will at the Old Bailey. Farty tuppence to ya!