Market Theory of Too Much Time with Parents

I was in Finland for TWO MONTHS with no one but my parents. It didn't seem like such a bad idea: we've always gotten along, and besides, I would be working a bit. All I have to say is, I have all this photographic and anecdotal evidence that at one point, I was a young, happenin' chick with night after night of parties and shows, dance cards and C-cups filled to the brim. Now I'm fairly certain I've aged about 20 years and have become a mustachioed, sweat-panted, shag-bobbed house-dwelling fatass spinster with no friends. I don't even know where my cellphone is.

But here's the most insulting part. You know how most parents treasure nothing more than the company of their coop-flown progeny? This is clearly a market-based phenomenon, in which children, by making themselves in such short supply, increase the demand for their company. I would say that the market here at home has become oversaturated with Yours Truly, and demand has plummeted. It's sort of shocking to be shrugged off by the selfsame people that were trying to feed you soup and hand you cash when you came home from college.

It's quite shocking actually. I'm rather shattered, not personally, but at the economic breakthrough I've discovered. To think that if we all returned home to the bosom of our parents forever (not that this was my intention) they would consequently wish us dead, and that it is simply because we leave that they seem to sit at home frothing with baleful affection.

Well, I'll be moving to the midwest soon and becoming quite scarce, so the market forecast looks good-- someone tell Suze Ormond I'll be worth my weight in diamonds come September!