Beans, Beans, the Magical Fruit

The sort of secret blog of Beans, a.k.a. Jules, a.k.a. "Legs for Miles" a.k.a. "Rackie the Boob Queen." Fine, ok, not the last two. Starting July 2006, sometimes "Mike," aka "fagadoccio," is a co-poster on the blog. The co-poster child, really.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006


Why Jules, I certainly do have some compound word-structs waiting for some Germanic intervention!

Crunchcoif: The condition in which many 19-year-old female interns in the city find their highlighted, consistently blow-dried, often tequila-soaked locks. Characterized by dry coarseness with a healthy dose of flyaways that look like tree branches in winter. Expl: "Mandy's crunchcoif could use a day at the beach with a still life's worth of lemons, or else she's gonna start looking like a bronze medal."

Weatherboner: When someone needs the weather to be a certain way, and the forecast calls for it, the anticipatory emotional outpouring can only be described thusly. Most often seen in bridezillas with outdoor ceremonies, learning-disabled schoolchildren who haven't finished their book report on "The Boxcar Children" and need a snow day, and, well, me. Expl: "During the great blizzard of '96, Mike's weatherboner pointed directly upward toward the snow-choked sky."

Shoredouche: This one is in reference to a product I wish some chemical corporation would produce, but hasn't yet. As avid beachcombers, Jules and I have noticed a certain unfortunate hygienic consequence of sea frolicking and sun worshipping: our B.O. resembles neither our everyday end o' workday smell nor the collective stenches that the coast can sometimes exhibit. A proper shoredouche is needed to clear out the fumes and return us to our natural musky equilibrium. No expl. needed, right Jules?


At 1:02 AM, Blogger Beans said...

Funny, I was sure "shoredouche" was going to refer to Long Beach guys in oversized board shorts picking up pre-teens on the vollyball court.

Our beach BO is just something else. No product could possibly combat it.

At 6:40 AM, Blogger Michael "Dinglefairy" Barry said...

Those guys I would call "perverottis".


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