Beans, Beans, the Magical Fruit

The sort of secret blog of Beans, a.k.a. Jules, a.k.a. "Legs for Miles" a.k.a. "Rackie the Boob Queen." Fine, ok, not the last two. Starting July 2006, sometimes "Mike," aka "fagadoccio," is a co-poster on the blog. The co-poster child, really.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006


You know how the German language has a way of making compounds that express an idea the way nothing else possibly could? E.g. the underused weltschmerz ("world hurt," i.e. when you're sick of everything) or the overused schadenfreude ("damage joy," i.e. the joy you take in others' pain), or the underappreciated hosenauspuff ("pants exhaust," i.e. the hot air that develops inside pants). Fine, I made that up, but I think it's important to note that "exhaust," in German, is literally auspuff.

"His Dockers, replete with that special mid-August hosenauspuff, swelled like the chest of a proud peacock."

Although somehow a lifetime of lager drinking has not given me the ability to speak German, I am going to propose some new, very needed compounds.

Mindspace: I know this sounds like a hippie psychobabble term, but it's logical to me. Like as in, "I've got to get all these Nick Lachey songs out of my mindspace to make room for my address."

Grainpoop: self explanatory. Alt., "ryepoop." Expl: "I'll be about 3 hours, Klaus, I'm in labor with a ryepoop."

Alcofuror: That particular sort of hangover energy, where you wake up on 2 hours of terrible sleep, shaking like Charlton Heston, go for a 10 K and repaint your apartment. Expl: "'Hey Inga, I noticed your Borzoi has cornrows.' -- 'Ah, yes, I braided them in an alcofuror this morning, that is why they are so uneven and smell like barf."

Glamsheister: People that are far, far richer than you but who somehow always foist the cab bill into your ratty lap. You know the type. expl: "I met Greta for drinks yesterday, and she made us split the bill even though she had the Kobe beef testicle caviar and I had a side salad. Total glamsheister."

Spearsnose: My sister claims this is a specific type of nose, where the bridge departs straight from the brow line without dipping concavely inward at all. You'll have to ask her about it. Apparently I have it. expl: "My perfect spearsnose was shattered by a whiffle ball. At least my spearsgut is intact."

Actually, the above compound is pretty mutable. Mandymouth? Aikencockeye? Stallonedrool? Madgearm (after all, "opraharm" was coined long ago.)

"I rode in a jet plane with the top down and ended up with total noltehair!"

Mike, any good ones?


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