Beans, Beans, the Magical Fruit

The sort of secret blog of Beans, a.k.a. Jules, a.k.a. "Legs for Miles" a.k.a. "Rackie the Boob Queen." Fine, ok, not the last two. Starting July 2006, sometimes "Mike," aka "fagadoccio," is a co-poster on the blog. The co-poster child, really.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Evening News: Starving Tiny Hebraic Fag Loses Gourd on Last Day as Temp

My "lunch buddy" from an earlier post is a Jew, in case you hadn't inferred as much from the description of his lush, heavily pigmented eyelashes. Anyway, since today is Yom Kippur, he's fasting as a way of "atoning," although if he gets anymore atoned, his abs are going to pop off and build a railroad on their own (more on that below).

Anyway, I told him to keep a fasting "fever journal" for Beansbeans. He complied.

So: Tiny, ripped, fag. Starvestodeath. Part I.


11:08 am
hi, i just tried to call you. i'm ok, the first wave of fast-induced quasi-euporhia is hitting me now, and i've been remarkably free of hunger pains. also, i can note, not without a *hint* (read: crushing tsunami) of delight, that the lack of water has sucked my semitic-hued skin around my abdominal muscles, creating a 32-pack as lovely as the coldest box of nattie at a memorial day bbq.
can you tell me what happened to the fat kid on that documentary last night? i vaguely remember seeing his deflated giant abdomen right before we shut the tv off...


1:17 pm
wow, i just left the office for the first time today, and i went through a veritable gauntlet of anti-atonement activities: platters of sbarro goodies piled higher than the 17-year-old stoner who made them in the store, people taking luxuriously long drags on their marlboros, as if there couldn't possibly be a SINGLE FUCKING PERSON who maybe thinks its a SIN TO FUCKING SMOKE ON YOM KIPPUR but nontheless IS REALLY ADDICTED TO SMOKING and wants one RIGHT NOW near them as they smoke. also, there seem to be a lot of people ingesting fluids, which would be nice right now, although i must say: it's nice not to have to get up and pee every hour or so! that said, my skin is roughly the color and consistency of one of those tissue paper shine-reducing wipes those cunty girls in our french revolution class used to use. god, i hated those fucking nerds, and that professor can literally chew my balls, because he didn't know robespierre from ross perot! good one, right julia? oh just fuck off you crazy blog-obsessed dyke.


3:39 pm
i think i just passed out at my desk, although i don't remember falling asleep. i distinctly remember my boss asking me to make an urgent someone because the server had exploded and the backup server was on fire...somewhere but that's all. when i came to, the office was empty, there was a lot of smoke and water sprinklers going off, and there was a pink slip safety pinned to my breast bone. whatevs, they all probably went out for coffee or something. i hope they got me some! ps--how weird is it that all these unicorns keep delivering me strip-o-grams? somebody out there must really love me! i have got to find a gun, and soon.


5:16 pm
snnset in E minuts..........mebby not hannellling this vell, i thnik i et 2litl....

Rodin's "The Tempjew"


Post a Comment

<< Home